What I lost amidst the busy-ness of medicine
It’s a bit of a standing joke in my family: the fact that I wrote ‘triathlons’ in the ‘interests’ section of an old CV.
‘How many triathlons did you do, Mum?’, my daughter innocently asked when she heard about this.
‘Urm, that would be about none.’
To this day, I still believe I did actually intend to do a triathlon; I did a fair bit of training, but suspect the fact that I never translated this into entering an actual event was at least in part due to the fact that cycling and running whilst wet just didn’t really sound hugely appealing to me.
So why did I even consider it?
Basically, my husband was into triathlons and so it felt easy to follow suit. (Possibly I was also still in the days of trying to impress him, though suspect that my net achievement of zero risked the opposite effect.)
A few years later, I was at a training day on presenting skills when we were tasked with talking about a hobby.
I felt panic set in, looked left and right in desperation to see if I could cadge my neighbours’ ideas but, at the end of the day, I didn’t know enough about 5-a-side-football or dog agility training to turn either into a 5-minute presentation.
Basically I couldn’t think of any ‘hobby’ to talk about. I could have gone for ‘trying to keep my head above water’, but suspect that wouldn’t have hit quite the right note.
What was that all about?
At some point in my medical training, I had slipped out of the habit of doing anything just for me – something just for the pure enjoyment of it – and I didn’t notice it happening.
The non-existent triathlons didn’t even register as a symptom of this; the presentation skills day could have been a wake-up call but, having popped up on my radar, I let it fade away again.
Part of the problem was that I no longer knew what I actually enjoyed doing for myself. I knew what my husband liked, I knew what clubs my kids attended but, as far as I was concerned, I drew a blank. Hence my attempt to piggy-back onto my husband’s hobby of triathlons (though I drew the line at that; notably, his next challenge of running a marathon never even got a mention on my CV).
The other issue was that, whilst losing the habit of investing in myself, I had developed a counter habit of always putting myself bottom of the pile. Patients, colleagues, husband, family, friends – they all came above me.
Did any of those people ask for that to be the case?
Absolutely not. Nobody asked that of me; without realising it, that was a choice that I, and I alone, made.
I very much know that I am not alone in this; it is a common phenomenon amongst doctors, not helped by our training.
One thing I have come to learn, however, is that it is very short-sighted; you just cannot be at your best if you don’t factor in your own needs. On the flip side, everyone benefits when you recognise what these needs are and ensure that they are being met.
By which I mean, you have to do more than just think about it – you have to act on it.
And developing other interests is one way that is well-recognised to have numerous benefits, both short-term and long-term, and includes benefits for mental and physical health, stress management, performance and productivity at work, and overall wellbeing.
5 questions to ask yourself if you no longer know what you enjoy doing outside of medicine
If, as I did, you feel you’ve lost touch with what you enjoy, here are some questions to get you thinking about it:
What did you enjoy doing once upon a time?
e.g. if you used to love it when some kind parent or teacher got out the art and craft stuff and let you experiment to your heart’s content (indisputable medal-deserving behaviour), maybe some kind of art class?
What things do you already do on a day-to-day basis that you enjoy and could develop?
e.g. if you enjoy watching football, are there any local clubs? Taking snaps on your phone - photography?
What piques your interest when you hear others talking about it or when you read about it?
e.g. if you love hearing about someone’s dog agility classes (yep, knew nothing about it, loved hearing all about it though), what ideas might that give you?
Is there something you’ve always wanted to do?
e.g. always wanted to be a top chef, how about joining a local cookery class or doing some home-baking?
What is going on locally that you could try out?
e.g. park run – great sense of community whether you run or volunteer.
I’ve developed a few interests over the years: running because I knew I used to enjoy that, yoga because I thought I’d just try something new, body combat because I turned up to the wrong class one day and was then too embarrassed to turn around and leave again (very different from yoga, but transpires I really do quite like kicking butt as well as trying to bend without breaking), baking because I loved doing that as a child and I love eating cake, and writing because I started my own business and found that I just really enjoy it.
So try stuff out. Some things you’ll enjoy, others maybe not so much – all useful to know, but keep going until you find those things that fit you best.
But do something. It’s good for you, it’s a proactive way to look after yourself and, if that’s not enough incentive, it benefits all around you, so it’s really a no-brainer.