You work in a system which has taught you to prioritise everything and everyone else over yourself.
It started during your days as a medical student – that slow cultivation of the stiff upper lip.
You are here to serve - get on with it.
You need to work ridiculous hours, often involving difficult and traumatic situations. There will be no time or consideration given to debriefing - there is more work to be done, more people to serve, more boxes to tick, more exams to do, more complaints to answer – just more, more, more.
And with less and less resource.
And increasing mud-slinging from the media.
This narrative has got to change on, and at, so many levels.
Clearly the system needs to change, but this isn’t going to be an overnight fix.
And yet you’re still working in the system.
And you need every bit as much empathy and compassion as do your patients.
Bearing in mind that, amidst life’s inevitable uncertainties, one certainty is the lifelong relationship you will have with yourself, starting to redirect some of your compassion inwardly is a bit of a no-brainer.
Some of the things that have helped me are below. Like pretty much everything in life, the more you practise them, the better the result. A bit like building up any muscle, it helps to get into the habit.
1. Review how you give self-feedback
This is a quick one but has been transformational for me. My reflection now consists of 2 simple questions:
What went well? 🤔
What will I do differently next time? 🤔
So much kinder and more progressive than self-flagellation.
2. Recognise what feels like giving yourself a hug
The terms ‘self-care’ and ‘wellbeing’ may make you want to roll your eyes. Sadly you will not find them on the ‘essential’ list in your doctor job description, but it absolutely is essential so, indulge me, and give yourself permission.
You may have forgotten what you enjoy doing for yourself whilst you’ve been busy looking after everyone else – THAT ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO CHANGE. It doesn’t have to be all about treadmills and antioxidants – it can be anything that feels like giving yourself a hug.
And then TAKE ACTION to get more of it into your life. Even small moments of time – just START.
3. Celebrate your successes
How often do you get in from work and focus purely on the things that didn’t go so well during your day? By all means have a rant if you need to but, for the sake of balance, also focus on the things that went well – because they will be there, you may just have got out of the habit of noticing them.
Every night before I go to bed, I write down 3 successes from the day. This can be anything, from maintaining your composure at the end of the day with that last patient when you were actually feeling really knackered, calling a friend (maintaining connections – so important - and often one of the first things to go when you feel overwhelmed), letting a car out at a junction (kindness begets kindness), to finding time to do something that you love.
Make this your new habit – you see what you focus on – and over time you will start to automatically see more of your daily achievements.
4. Put in boundaries
When you say ‘yes’ to something, what are you saying ‘no’ to?
And what is the impact of that?
For example, you say ‘yes’ to working on your day off, and what is actually important to you gets pushed even further down the list, ultimately leading to resentment, frustration and potential burnout.
It may feel uncomfortable saying ‘no’ in the short term, but the longer-term gain is significant.
5. Notice how you talk to yourself
And would you talk to a friend like that? If the answer is ‘no’, STOP.
We all have an inner critic – that internal voice of self-doubt, sometimes referred to as our gremlin or mind monkey. It often hijacks our thinking, but that voice does not represent reality and is not who we are. We’re hardwired to have this – apparently it’s meant to keep us safe, but it hasn’t moved with the evolutionary times, and it usually just keeps us small and stuck if we don’t recognise it for what it is.
YOU HAVE A CHOICE AS TO WHAT YOU DO WITH THE BALONEY THAT IT FEEDS YOU.
And if you wouldn’t speak to a friend like that, the chances are your inner critic is on the rampage again. You don't have to take direction from it.
What it is IMPERATIVE that you start doing is being kind to yourself. I cannot overstate the importance of this.
Being a doctor is hard, but please remember that you are a human first and foremost, and developing a compassionate relationship with yourself is worthy of at least as much time as you spend in developing that kind of relationship with your patients. It becomes a win/win situation – as the old adage goes, ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’.