Work-life balance, life-work integration - whatever you want to call it, it’s a thing.
Which can sometimes feel like a dirty swear word when you’re in the thick of it.
The thing is, in terms of long-term career sustainability, it’s not just any old thing, it’s massively important and essential.
I know you have been trained to look after others, always to prioritise everyone else over yourself, but continuing to adopt this mantra through your career is no good for anyone. For you, your family and friends and, if you still need some more convincing, it is also no good for your patients.
So, in this article, I am going to briefly focus on 2 aspects of the equation – working out your own specific priorities, and then setting boundaries to ensure that you are able to focus on them.
Work out your priorities
This is not always as obvious as it sounds. Sometimes you can get so enmeshed in your medical career - it can be all-consuming, take over, you spend so much time at work or recovering afterwards – that you lose sight of the bigger picture of you.
A commonly-used metaphor is the jam jar, and how you choose to fill it with rocks, pebbles and sand:
𝙅𝙖𝙢 𝙟𝙖𝙧 – your life
𝙍𝙤𝙘𝙠𝙨 - the really important things in your life - e.g. family, health, relationships – what you need to have a meaningful life.
𝙋𝙚𝙗𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙨 - the next step down, things that add meaning to your life – e.g. job, house, hobbies – they may come and go.
𝙎𝙖𝙣𝙙 – the small stuff – e.g. scrolling social media, material possessions – don’t really add much in the way of meaning to your life, but often feel easier to accomplish in the moment.
It’s all about working out what are YOUR rocks, pebbles and sand, and then reflecting on the order in which you fill your jam jar. If you start with your rocks, there will still be ample room for your pebbles, plus a bit of sand in between, whereas if you start with your sand and/or pebbles, you risk running out of room for your rocks.
Essentially, you can prioritise the things that that really matter to you, still with a sprinkling of the stuff at the other end of the spectrum, or you can fill it with a whole load of ultimately less meaningful stuff, and risk losing sight of the important bits.
Your jar may well feel like it has a lot of work in it - the hours are long, the take-home can be considerable, it can feel like it’s taking over.
But how did you categorise your work and how is this fitting in with your other priorities? Those other priorities are likely to include the things that are going to keep you in fine fettle, and this will tip over into sustaining you in your job.
𝘚𝘰, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘯-𝘯𝘦𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴?
Boundaries
One way to incorporate more of your non-negotiables into life is developing the skill of boundary-setting.
I’m talking personal boundaries here, not professional doctor-patient boundaries.
“𝘎𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴” – a well-known proverb – is all about the best way to maintain positive relationships, and there’s a reason that it is cited frequently.
Because, if there were no boundaries, before you know it your neighbour may well decide to pop on over, have a rifle through your drawers, help themselves to what you had planned for dinner, and wash it down with that nice bottle of red you’d been saving for a special occasion.
And that is not going to lead to a good relationship.
OK, perhaps unusual for it to go that far with a neighbour, but you’re working in the very-stretched NHS, which is arguably less likely to hold back in pushing its luck…
So, if you want to have a sustainable and good relationship with your career, it is essential to cultivate the skill of boundary-setting. At the end of the day, it’s pretty unlikely that anyone else is going to do this for you.
Your personal boundaries are exactly that – personal to you. They’re based on knowing what you need to be able to carry on working in a sustainable and enjoyable way – one that honours your priorities. Your starting point is likely to be identifying those areas which currently feel to be lacking in boundaries, followed by getting clear on what a good boundary looks like in this situation.
Some potential examples:
Responding to regular requests for work extra hours
Availability for email responses
Setting time-limits on availability for work-related messages/emails
Negotiating responsibilities – as more are added, what is being taken away to enable this?
Ensuring that leave is agreed, and taken and not deferred
Appropriate delegation
Clearly communicating your boundaries is important. A part of this may involve learning the skill of saying ‘no’. This becomes easier with practice, and I strongly suggest you start practising this sooner rather than later. It may cause you short-term discomfort, but keep your eyes on the prize – which is long-term job sustainability (relevant in any role, not just your current one).
A good question to keep in mind when you find yourself wavering is to ask yourself:
𝘐𝘧 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘺 ‘𝘺𝘦𝘴’ 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 ‘𝘯𝘰’ 𝘵𝘰?
And look back at your jam jar of priorities.
If you need any support with this, get in touch. Boundary-setting is usually an alien concept to medics after years of working in an extremely demanding role and system, but it is an essential component of looking after yourself.