So my life has been a little taken up recently with our new puppy, Mabel. Mabel is a 10-week old black lab, and she joins our 8-year old fox-red lab, Amber. It’s fun, full-on, rewarding, knackering and enlightening, probably all in about equal measure. But what I’ve found really interesting is watching the interaction between Amber and Mabel, and reflecting on the fact that much of what they are modelling could equally be applied to our life and careers.
I know that may sound a bit far-fetched, but hear me out…
Boundaries
Having moved through denial, disdain and into acceptance, Amber is now identifying the parts of this new situation that she would like to, and is able to, do something about.
For example, Mabel doing a flying leap onto her head when she’s having a quick nap – not acceptable. That is a gentle-but-firm bat of the front leg and Mabel is down. In dog language this is assertive rather than aggressive, and the message is clear. (Admittedly Mabel is taking a bit of time to really absorb this boundary, so this lesson is currently having to be repeated on a fairly regular basis, as is often the way.)
Number 1 learning: boundaries are the backbone of all good relationships – they need to be clearly defined and communicated, and can help your human to not unnecessarily increase her grey hair quota each time she sees you in a crouch position – hopefully you’re about to launch at a ball rather than a head.
Play
One thing that is acceptable to Amber is play. Now that’s interesting because, beyond loving her ball on a walk, Amber has not expressed interest in play of this type for years. Admittedly, we probably no longer had strings of toy sausages littering the floor, but we did have a stuffed penguin and a soft football, which very occasionally would get a desultory carry across the room, but no more than that. Now, however, she is re-living her youth – penguin limbs flailing, sausage tugs-of-war, ball-chasing, treat-hunting, bone-chewing – and, it's fair to say, there’s a little extra spark in her eyes, energy in her movements, and bonding with her humans as well as Mabel.
Number 2 learning: play is important – you are never too old to play, it brings energy all round, even if it can be mildly annoying for your humans in the late evening.
Assumptions
It has been slightly nerve-wracking on occasion to watch the pair of them play together. Mabel has very sharp puppy teeth, a lack of bodily control and, as previously described, a not yet finely-tuned ability to read body language. So joint play time is currently having to be closely monitored. My initial reaction when I saw them ‘playing’ together was one of alarm – I assumed that the low-level noise emanating from Amber was a bad sign and a warning to back away. Until I looked more closely – 2 tails wagging, and Amber sometimes initiating the game. The who-gets-the-toy-bone game, which comprises Amber holding it in her mouth and Mabel endeavouring to grab hold of the end of it, was (& still is) notably anxiety-inducing as it seems rather an invasion of private space to me, particularly bearing in mind those puppy gnashers. However, upon closer inspection, Amber can be seen to be actually lowering and tilting her head to give Mabel an outside chance of being able to reach it.
Number 3 learning: be aware of what assumptions you are making, and look beyond the narrative in your head to the facts of the matter, thus ensuring that your humans don’t intervene unnecessarily and inadvertently rob you of a whole load of fun and learning.
Dealing with pushbacks
So when Mabel does finally get the message that Amber is not up for playing at this moment in time, she’ll come and find one of her humans, or she’ll wait a while and then try Amber again (there is always, of course, the option of trashing the sofa legs if all else fails). What she doesn’t do is attach an unhelpful narrative to this pushback and hold herself back the next time round.
Number 4 learning: don’t allow the inevitable pushbacks and setbacks to derail you, such as when a fellow canine is not up for playing at that moment in time – there’s always another time, another canine, or even sometimes a human to check out.
So they are some of my musings so far. I am also learning plenty just from Mabel herself, I feel a part 2 coming on but, for now, I am just going to remove a puppy’s teeth from my toes….